When someone says they don’t want you anymore, that should be it, right? So, why is your ex still texting even for stupid small talks?


Breakups are a tough business to navigate, and things get even worst when is you the one with a broken heart. Now, perhaps after months of heartache and sadness, you’ve finally started to move on and to believe in love again, until… one evening, out of the blue, you receive a message from your ex: “Hey, you up?”.

When someone says they don’t want you anymore, that should be it, right? So, why is he still texting even for stupid small talks? Whatever the reason, before doing anything, you must be aware of any consequences. Because sometimes, a harmless message can bring you backward before you even realise it. Let’s make it clear: it is very common that a person who ends the relationship decides to text you without giving a clear reason. But this does not necessarily mean that they want you back! The motivations behind this behaviour vary a lot and depend on things such as your type of relationship, on how you broke up, how things are going for him, etc etc…

Whether you want him back or not, before making any immediate conclusions around why he got back to you, have a good read of this post and get a clear picture of why he is doing so.

#1 He feels guilty

It’s commonly believed that the person who was dumped is the one who suffers the most. Wrong. Believe it or not, breaking up can be really tough too, especially if the relationship was important. Even if he broke up with you, he may be overall worried about you, and feel guilty for hurting your feelings. In this scenario, he may say things such as “I wish it didn’t go this way” or “You deserve more than this”, just to make you feel better. Nothing more!

#2 He wants to have your news

After a while of not hearing from you, he may be wondering what you’re up to and how things are going … Even if he didn’t want to be with you anymore, the idea of you being over him can be unpleasant. That’s why, he may text you to simply know how you are doing after your relationship ended. If he keeps only asking without saying much about himself, this is a sign that he’s messaging you solely “out of curiosity”.

#3 He wants sex

He broke up with you but now he’s desperate for sex. He may know how vulnerable you are or how much you were into him. That’s why after months of silence he comes back desperate for a last hook-up. He won’t ask for sex explicitly. Instead, he’ll try to give you fake hope for a new future together. If this happens only at late evenings, perhaps when he’s been drinking that’s a big red flag. Careful!

#4 He needs to vent his frustrations

A person who ends the relationship does not always move on easily. If he isn’t doing great, texting you even if for arguing will make him feel slightly better than staying in silence without having news of you. The loneliness may have pulled him down, that’s why knowing that you aren’t doing great either makes him feel better and more relieved.

#5 Force of habit

Sometimes, especially after a long-term relationship he may text just out of habit. He was used to have you in his life, and now he’s craving for news from you. This case isn’t easy to identify, unless he would deliberately open his feelings to you. However, texting just out of habit does not necessarily mean that he wants to get back with you. So, if this happens, make sure this is the case before fooling yourself.

#6 He actually wants you back

This is probably the most exciting scenario (whether you want him back or not!).
A long time of ‘no contact’ can make him realise his big mistake. So, if he regrets what he’s done, chances are that he’ll get back opening up his heart to you. At that point, it’s all up to you. However, no matter how excited you are, avoid showing your happiness too much. Make him wait for a positive answer or tell him to prove he’s worthy of you. If he doesn’t, then you know already what that means.

Now, if your ex keeps texting you, take into account this “motivations” and make sure you won’t let him play with your heart a second time! Good luck!


Read also: Narcissist partner? No thanks.