Having a flirty BF can be problematic. It is irritating, disheartening, and can cause a significant loss of trust.
If you have a flirty BF, don’t despair. A cheeky boyfriend does not necessarily mean a cheating partner and it’s something you can maturely handle in order to make your relationship work. All you need is some good advice (right here!), and A LOT of patience.
So, let’s see… It all started like a fairy-tale. At first, he was all you’ve ever wanted. Kind, charming, caring, and with eyes only for you! He was one a kind. A proper gentleman. Until one day, you’ve noticed he’s using the same charismatic personality with someone that’s not you. Right there, in front of you, as if you didn’t even exist! Here is the twist to the tail: All you’ve believed was yours vanished out of the blue, and you’re no longer happy and enthusiastic about the guy you’ve been dating. Not at all.
Sounds familiar? We don’t blame you! Having your better half making advances to another woman is far from being pleasant and can be really frustrating. You may feel suddenly confused, and stupid for falling too quickly for someone who isn’t who you thought he was. Classic. What’s even worse, is that now he doesn’t seem worthy of your trust. Not anymore.
Well, well, well… If it can make you feel any better, a flirty partner does not necessarily coincide with a cheater. Being flirty does not mean to feel physical attraction for others, nor to have sexual interest towards them. And that’s the first thing you have to consider when your partner seems to flirt with everyone in his path. Now, if by knowing this you’re feeling more positive about your partner, keep on reading to know how to behave in order to deal maturely with a flirty bf and make it work!
1. Don’t assume he is going to cheat
No matter how awful you may feel, don’t assume he is a cheater. Because as mentioned above, flirting is not only about that. Different people, flirt for different reasons. Some people do it because it boosts their confidence. Other’s may do it just for fun. You may be surprised but, some people have naturally a flirty personality and do so without having interest on the person. If this is the case, your bf may not have any clue of what he is causing you and in his eyes, there is nothing harmful going on. How to make sure this is the case? Simple. Try and see if he does so only with hot girls, or if he simply gets on very well with anyone he speaks with. So, start by observing!
2. Maintain the calm and stay poised
Once you’ve made sure he’s just naturally flirtatious, and that does not have any bad intentions, it’s time to get to the next step: make him stop, or at least to find an agreement.
First thing and best thing to do in this situation is to stay poised and to maintain your feelings under control. No matter how gutted you feel, stay calm and graceful. Once your nerves are all cool again, find the best moment, and have a little chat.
3. Watch out your tone
No matter how much he is wrong, if you get to him with accusative and offensive tone, you will never get what you expect. In doing so he’ll simply get on the defensive and it will all create an inappropriate and unnecessary argument that you really don’t want. So, make sure you will be in control of your anger and ensure to communicate with him in a mature way.
We will never get bored to say that “communication is key!”. And doing it in the right way and at the right moment is fundamental. So, avoid giving a show when you’re in public and instead, find a moment when it’s just the two of you. Try to create a dialogue and explain him what you have noticed and how you feel about it. Instead of accusing, ask him the reason behind it and make sure to give him a way to open up with you. Try to end the conversation with clear boundaries and ask him to control his behaviour for the respect of your relationship.
5. Trust him without too much pressure!
Don’t pretend everything to change in one night and don’t put too much pressure on him. Give him the chance to show you his effort and try to see the positives, rather than focusing on how you bad you feel. Give him a sign of your trust, it will make him feel happy to do something for you and it will consequently make you feel more relieved.
6. Don’t be naïve
Trust is essential, yes. But too much trust is also not that good. You must ensure to be trustworthy but yet conscious of what is really going on. Finding the right balance between trust and awareness around your partner’s behaviour is important if you want to ensure a happy and joyful relationship.
7. If it doesn’t make you feel happy, let it go
The truth is that you can never completely change someone’s personality (and neither you should). After all this advice, you may not reach a common point with your partner. Or perhaps, despite his effort, you will still feel uncomfortable and jealous each time he’ll talk to another female… If so, then it’s up to you whether to stay or to go. If you feel it’s a waste of time, don’t force yourself for long. Make a favour to both and end the relationship.
Every relationship is different. As such, each couple may have different levels of tolerance toward flirting. Sometimes it’s possible to find a common point, other times it isn’t that easy. What’s for sure, is that in order to conduct a healthy and successful relationship, being tolerant with an openminded attitude is important as much as making compromises. If any of these will be missing, chances are that you’ll be living a relationship with never ending problems.
Read also: Narcissist partner? No thanks.